things are getting worse, i didnt know it would be possible for things to get worse, but they are. i think im depressed. i took an online test. and it said that i was depressed. i have no motivation for anything anymore. i dont try in school anymore, and its harder to put on my happy face during the day, sometimes i cant wait to go home so i can be alone. so i dont have to hide what im feeling. and the only place i can do that is in my bathroom. its the only place my parents cant hear me cry. i like to lie down in my shower and close the door. its comforting being surrounded by 4 walls. i like knowing that im the only one who can be in this space. i like to stare at the wall, and just have an empty mind. the problem is once i lay down, i have no motivation to get up. ive been using food as a source of self medicating. i ate a whole box of macaroni by myself. and still ate dinner. and the thing is. i dont even care. i used to be so so fearful of everything i put in my mouth, but i guess since ive been struggling for 5 years now, ive just given up. i feel like i have no future. nothing to look forward to. sure i have dreams. but i know for a fact they will never come true. i just dont want to try anymore. all i want to do is lay in my bed and never talk to anyone. i just. im just tired. i know i will never take my own life but, i just dont feel like going out anymore. i still want to live, but just at home, by myself, where i can let out all my feeling and stop faking to be a happy confident person, because its hard to pretend your someone that your not every single day of your life.

done

I hate how predictable my life is. i’m going to get woken up by my alarm, get ready, rush to school, sit down at my desk, get my test, finish my test, go to science, write notes, go pee, eat, fuck around in english, eat, do dick all in art, come home, eat, do dick all, eat dinner, have a nap before doing my homework, stay up till all hours, wake up tired af and repeat. 

My body fat percentage is lower than average

*happy dancing*

My parents fucking suffocate me. I can’t do fucking anything without them fucking asking me a million questions about where I am who I am with where are you going when will you be back. Like wtf. I’m so fucking tired. I just want to fucking live is that too much to ask for???

I’m so fucking done

I don’t know how to feel anymore. Life is pointless. I have no friends. I wake up, go on the computer for 10 hours, and then go to bed. I don’t get any notifications. Any texts. Nothing. I just feel invisible. And that’s not even the worst part. When I’m with friends, I still feel alone. I don’t laugh. I don’t have fun. I still feel alone even if I’m surrounded by people, and I don’t know why. I don’t know what to do with myself. I just feel like I never express any emotion anymore. I’m afraid too, if that makes any sense. When I’m at home, I don’t laugh, I don’t cry, I don’t talk. I can’t express myself. Why? I’m not quite sure. I just feel embarrassed for some reason. I don’t want my parents to see my emotions. I don’t know why. I just don’t. I feel like I can’t do anything around them. We have a elliptical, I would love to use it. But I’m to embarrassed to use it around my parents. I feel like they would judge me or something. I just wish I could be alone. Which confuses me. Because I strive to look a certain way so I can fit in. Maybe I want to be alone because I’m not comfortable with who I am. I don’t know. I hate myself, so much. Which has been hard. Iv’e hated myself for about 4 years now. I just wish I could finally get to that point, where I’m happy about my body, and then maybe i’ll be happy. It’s just so far away. I just wish I could leave. Pack up everything and leave. Go somewhere where nobody know’s who I am. Transform myself, and come back to my life as a new person. I just don’t see the point of life. I’m tired of living. Not saying that I would take my own life, because I’m scared of what would happen afterwards, but I just don’t feel happy anymore.